Don't Give Tails Pepsi
by Zenith the Hedgehog
Summary: At a party full of Pepsi by the can, (particularly) Amy Rose wants Tails nowhere near the liquid crack for reasons she refuses to explain. Of course Tails takes it the wrong way and will do anything to snatch a simple can, regardless of the cost. No animals were killed in the making of this fic.
1. The Pepsi

_This is evidently my first attempt at making up stories for your enjoyment... so please don't flame me lol._

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November 11, 2010

An ubermassive party was held. Freaks of all sorts were doing whatever the hell. Talking, drinking, taking dares, committing crimes, you name it… minus the crime part.

A two-tailed fox suddenly got thirsty. He got up, walked to the cooler — which was full of Pepsi — and dug through the ice box for a can…

A pink hedgehog soon took notice at the floating Pepsi, stormed after Tails, and interrogated him as the can was getting away. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Is there a problem, Amy?"

"You better believe there's a problem. What do you plan to do with that can of Pepsi?"

Tails looked taken aback, as if the answer was too obvious (in the wrong way). "Drink it."

"No you're not! What is wrong with you!"

Now he looked uncomfortably stupefied. "I don't know what you're talking about. Pepsi is for drinking… duh."

"Not for you, it isn't! You know you're not supposed to be drinking Pepsi! Give me that!" Amy snagged the can from his hand.

"Listen, Amy… I'm a bigger nerd than anyone else you know. I should be able to drink whatever the hell I want!"

"You're eight years old, right? Yeah, I would reconsider what you said if I were you. And by the by, how do you think you got to be so bright, anyway?"

"Come on! Surely one can can't render me brain dead?"

"You know, it could very well do just that. Your system is still rapidly developing. And don't expect it to come to a screech anytime soon — how long have you been eight years old again?"

At this point, Tails had had enough. "That's not the point! I'll drink that Pepsi and nothing bad will ever happen! Now give it back!" The fox pried the can from her grip and tried to drink up… "What the…" That cool refreshing black substance was gone. "Amy, what the hell did you do to my Pepsi!?"

But Amy still had a cool expression on her face. "It was never yours to begin with. Sorry, Tails." She smirked a little as she turned to sneak back into the main hall. Then she went crazy. "MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

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_Remember, comments and constructive criticism are ALWAYS welcome!_


	2. The Lecture

"Now Tails… do you know why we're having this discussion?"

The pink hedgehog was staring contemptuously at "white and nerdy". That moment, right in front of her, was the perfect opportunity to lecture about the cool liquid drug that was Pepsi. The fox, however, saw it as a cruel joke at his expense. The pink hedgehog wasn't discouraged at his lack of competence to know what she was talking about. The fox went into an all-caps rage… without the caps. "Are you crazy!? There is no discussion! You're just using _my_ can of Pepsi to humiliate me in public! What is wrong with you!?"

Amy chuckled at his suffering. "You just don't get it. We all know you're still very young…"

But Tails wouldn't listen. "Why should everyone have to care about my age? What does Pepsi even have to do with my age? What the hell _is_ my age!? I'd be drinking Pepsi all night if only you'd lay off Sonic!" Yet another opposer of Sonamy ;) "And look at that—" He turned around and pointed directly at a little cream-colored rabbit, who also happened to have a can of Pepsi in that little right hand of hers. "What is that about!?" You let her drink Pepsi and get away with it!? She's only six!" Right about here the fox began to lose it. "So apparently you have something against me, and not just me drinking Pepsi, dammit!"

Amy knew once again how to think on the more realistic side. "Hmmm… I wonder how you got to be so brilliant-minded in the first place."

"What do you mean?"

Then Amy took a U-turn towards nowhere with her side of the argument. "You see what Pepsi did to Sonic? Twelve cans made him care only about speed, speed, and more speed! Where am I in his list of important stuff? NOWHERE, dammit!"

This time Tails thought on the more realistic side. "I dunno… I would've expected the exact opposite."

Right about then the pink hedgehog began to lose it. "That's how much you know! You keep that up and Imma have to lock up all the Pepsis, Cokes, Mountain Dews, Peppers, 7ups, Sprites…"

"That's how much you know!" Tails snapped. "You're the only reason why I haven't had one Pepsi, Coke, Mountain Dew, Dr. Pepper, 7up, Sprite… whatever! I could be drinking all night if not for you!"

"Or, you could be drinking milk and building up strong teeth. ;)"

It was obvious that Amy wanted to ruin his life. "Who do you think I am, a baby!? I've had enough of your damned baby talk!" The fox went back into the living room. "When I become President of the United States, you're gonna regret every last time you said no!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot to mention…" Amy started as he started to push open the door. "There's no more 'We the People'. That phrase has become quite overrated."

"You'll see!" the worked-up fox yelled as he stormed across the living room. As he neared the television, the cooler was in plain sight. In that ice box lay all the Pepsis as before, but of course since everyone was drinking themselves to death, including me, only one can remained. He quickly snatched it.

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_Will Tails manage to get away with that Pepsi? Remember, comments and constructive criticism are ALWAYS welcome!_


	3. The Attic

The crimson echidna and the cobalt champ crowded around the television to watch some Monday Night Football. Every minute or so you could hear one guy cheer on the Patriots, or the other guy jeer at the Giants. But when the game wasn't on, they talked about nonsense. After the first quarter ended, crimson asked cobalt, "Did you ever hear about this guy who died not so long ago, and then the girl came in and tried to revive him?"

"No..." the blue hedgehog said, dazed and confused. "Who was that guy?"

Knux retorted, "Duh — you! Don't you remember when that happened?" He laughed hard at the cobalt chump.

But Sonic was still lost. "Uh, no... can we drop the subject?"

At the two minute warning, blue had a very good question to ask red: "What do you think Tails is up to?"

"Whatever he's doing, he better not be drinking any Pepsi," remarked Knux.

"Oh yeah, good point. I'll be right back." He sped off and out of sight. Knux couldn't help but say to himself, _How does he do that?_

Meanwhile, Tails was hiding away from everyone else, where he was sure no one could find him — in the attic. He secured a can of Pepsi in his left hand, and a knife in his right... just in case anyone was to grab at it like they always did for no apparent reason (at least to the fox). Maybe they were just poking fun at him for being a nerd? Maybe they were discriminating him for his two tails?

The moment of truth (insert cheezy Heatbox reference here). The fox pushed down the tab, opened the can, and shoved it up his mouth. Suddenly a blue streak sped past him, and before you could shout "play ball", he was choking on this awful white liquid substance. Two minutes of sore throat later, he couldn't help but get a better view of his left hand to get an idea of what just happened. Milk!

"Sorry Tails. I have to stand by what Amy says... and so do you." Sonic, like Amy, had an evil smirk on his face.

Tails couldn't believe it. His "best buddy" had aided the pink hedgehog in ruining his life over a simple can of Pepsi. He completely lost it (insert Suicidal Tendencies reference here). "Dammit, Sonic! What's wrong with a simple can of Pepsi!? Zenith, get in here!"

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_It's weird how I'm already involved in my own fic, lol. I'll be right back._


	4. The Twist

_So I just finished typing (and uploading) what would've been the only three chapters in this fic, but since Tails needed to chat with me for a brief moment, here's chapter four for your entertainment, lol._

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Somehow, out of nowhere, I warped into the stale-air attic, where a blue hedgehog and a two-tailed fox were yelling at each other over the taste of a new generation. Not really trying to break up the bickering, I blankly replied to the fox's prompt: "Yes?"

An ecstatic fox just ran up to me and shouted, "Thank God you're here! Now tell me why no one will let me drink Pepsi!"

Kinda lost as to whatever the hell he was talking about, I just said quite calmly, "I dunno. They're not my problem."

I noticed the blue hedgehog staring at me contemptuously. "Who are you again?" he asked, scratching his forehead in the process.

That was a question whose answer I felt I needed to clear up before anyone else asked it. "I'm Zenith, Zenith the Hedgehog. You know I'm the author of this fic, Sonic. And fyi, I wanted to chat with Tails, not you."

"Whatever. You can't steal my best buddy by giving him a Pepsi. Besides, we all know it's for his own good."

"Oh no, you got it all wrong. I ain't plannin' nothin' of the sort. But this is my fic, so your actions are pretty much under my control... you do realize that, right?"

"I don't get it."

I flipped out. "No one ever gets it! Damn you!" That was the last time I'd ever hear that phrase. For serious. "But still, everything you say and do, I already programmed you to say and do just that."

Our blue friend evidently still didn't get it. "You're pulling my leg, right? Wait, did I mean to say that?"

This time I gave my evil smirk. "I'm sorry Sonic, but once my mind is set on something, it can never be changed. Allow me to demonstrate." At that point I disappeared in a flash, got back on my computer, and continued to type the hell out of this fic, dammit!

Man (or... hedgehog), if only Sonic knew the dirty deeds (done dirt cheap) he was in for. A voice inside the cobalt chump told him that the refreshment was cursed; at that point he immediately walked over to the fox and handed him the can.

"Wait, no I didn't!" yelled Sonic in protest... yet he did anyway. Isn't it wonderful what can happen when you're left in charge of the script? ;)

Just then, the pink hedgehog barged into the attic, wondering what the ruckus was all about. The first thing she saw was a fox holding a Pepsi in his hand. And then cobalt was limping slowly toward her, squealing, "Help... me!" You could tell they were both on the same page... too bad Sonic was having a panic attack.

Amy was rather over-the-top with the fox's Pepsi problem. "What did I tell you...!" But she was too heated up to finish that sentence. Instead, using every ounce of hot energy in her body to fight off everything I'm typing, she picked up her hammer and swung. Hard. The result was far less than desirable.

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_Is this the end of our furry (and nerdy) friend? The not-so-epic conclusion coming soon! Remember, comments and constructive criticism are ALWAYS welcome!_


	5. The Radio

I swear, Amy had created a bloody accident with that hammer. I tried to make her drop it. By the end of the previous chapter, blood was everywhere. You could hear the loudest choking noises evar. There was so much graphic violence that this fic would've lost its T rating had I described every last detail word for word! It was that awful!

But in the aftermath, in front of her, right there right then, lay a spilled glass of 1%... and our bloodstained furry friend. With that appalling blow, all the life was draining from him... not.

"SONIC! Oh my God, I'm so sorry! Are you ok!?" Gotcha! No, the cobalt chump was not ok (I promise). As the nerve-racked hedgehog surveyed the scene she caused, immediately she realized the point of the panic attack Sonic had before the bloody scene occurred in the first place. Then she lost it, again. "Damn you Tails! Now look at what happened!"

The two-tailed fox got defensive again. "I swear, I had nothing to do with it. Ask Z if you don't believe me."

"Who in the world is a Z, anyway?"

I couldn't give "white and nerdy" a chance to answer. I already pointed out my identity in the previous chapter. "Don't bother, Tails. I can handle this." I reappeared right in front of Amy like a boss. All around me was that familiar stale air of that attic. Amy couldn't help but get lost in her speech: "Who are... How did... What the..."

Time to confront her. "Amy, you do realize you and your naughty friends are using that can of Pepsi to quite possibly discr—"

"Well I can't help it," complained Amy Thorn (not to be confused with Thorndike). "You have a nerd who's never had one Pepsi in his life, who also happens to be eight years old... couldn't we say he was too young to drink that?" She pointed to that can that already inevitably returned within the fox's grip.

"No, because earlier today I noticed Cream the Rabbit downed no less than four cans! How do you explain that!? Do you even know how old she is!?"

Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't trying to earn our nerdy friend's support by letting him drink up. Of course the pink hedgehog saw it that way, yet she was still going nowhere with her side of the argument. In fact, this was practically the last point she could make, and she blew it on this question: "What's your name again?"

"I'm sorry, but all questions must be submitted in writing, thank you very little. So anyway, remember that one time when Tails got hit in the head with a dodgeball so hard he lost three IQ points?"

I zoomed out of sight just when Tails made his blank reply. "Ugh, don't remind me. I'm still trying to remember how to calibrate a nuclear stabilizer without being blasted into the stratosphere."

Right when the pink freak refocused her eye(s) on the can of Pepsi in his hand, a dodgeball suddenly blasted through the door to the stale-air attic and knocked her out. Cold. There, at the doorway, stood an ebony hedgehog, with that strip of red on his spikes, and his trademark scowl, or whatever... "My work here is done," I said to myself.

* * *

Back in the attic, three freaks were debating long and hard over what to do with the almost dead bodies of our pink and blue (not-so friendly) friends. After about two minutes of cold hard discussion time, I suddenly came up with the greatest idea evar: "Let the bodies hit the floor."

Shadow gave his evil smirk. "If only every song were like that, I'd appreciate music a lot more."

I remarked, "No more 'call me crazy', am I right? Yeah, I concur. You know, you must be a true metalhead. I don't know why I never meet anyone like that no more."

Tails then chimed in with another idea. "Hey Zenith, why don't we play some Guitar Hero sometime. You and me, bro."

I couldn't really turn that down. Guitar Hero was (and still is) one of the best games evar. "Sure, I'm always up for a round."

But then the ebony hedgehog went back to the subject I should've dealt with a long time ago: "What's with that Pepsi?"

At that point the fox realized, _Oh crap! I got busted! What do I do now!?_ About a second of not-so-serious thinking later... "Can I have it?"

That question completely stupefied me. I didn't know how to answer. After all, this _is_ called "Don't Give Tails Pepsi"... For the first (and only) time in this fic, I needed a second opinion.

I looked at Shadow. Shadow looked at me. I knew he looked very uncomfortable. And so was I. Eventually we shared our evil smirks. I would've thought we were on the same page, until I noticed him staring evilly at the Pepsi. I knew I had to do something...

"But first... LET THERE BE ROCK!"

As soon as I turned on the radio, the ebony freak had a seizure-like reaction. "Oh God, turn it off! I _hate_ AC/DC!" He quickly stormed out without saying anything else... save for the nonsense he was blabbing until his voice became inaudible.

"My work here is done," I proudly said to myself.

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_This marks the end of the fic. Hope you enjoyed! Remember, comments and constructive criticism are ALWAYS welcome!_

_Oh yeah, I put in a bunch of references to hard rock bands. See if you can find them all! ;)_


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